Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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