carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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