Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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