my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
