Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
