This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
