His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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