my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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