At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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