So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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