i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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