My cat gives me a boner
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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