He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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