How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
