two words: eviction party
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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