Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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