dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he thought i was a dude.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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