My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
