I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
