Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
