Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
