Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
