im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
