you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
