I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
