Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
