smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
