I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
