i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
