I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My dick has a subreddit
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
