6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize