you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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