omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
