I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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