Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize