p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
