His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
