you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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