tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
