I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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