After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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