i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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