i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
