I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
