i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
