dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
