i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
