he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
