I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
