can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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