oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
