Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize