Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
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She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
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Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.