Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.