you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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