omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
