we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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