Im at strip club and am horny
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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