I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
