Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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