apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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