We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
