i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I need a burrito and a hug.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
