Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
